“It all started way back…
Such a long, long time back…
Way back in the days when the grass was still green
And the pond was still wet
And the clouds were still clean…”
Those epic words set the mood and the scene
for Dr. Seuss’s “Lorax”
A parable for children about being green
And tongue-twisty syntax.
But like all good ideas
(and quite a few bad)
Hollywood took an interest
In the money to be had.
They commissioned a screenplay, cast actors,
And sold advertising spots,
Complete with product placements and brand pairings –
You know the lot.
But we have to wonder, did they think even a bit?
About the message they were sending – or worse –
The one they’d omit?
A Lorax-branded combustion engine? I mean, seriously?
Not a hydrogen? Not an electric?
Not even a Thneed-sponsored cross-breed?
No offense to Mazda.
I’m sure their Skyactiv technology is swell indeed.
But you won’t save the Bar-ba-loots or Swomee Swans
with 10 measly MPGs.
And I must be missing how its exhaust is “friendly”
to you, me or the Truffala Trees.
Whoever is in charge of branding
For the Lorax’s mula-making machine -
Have you read the book you’re hijacking?
Did you misinterpret what it means?
Because the takeaway this ad emits
Reeks the wrong shade of “green.”
Great page Jason – Seuss must be turning over in his grave.
Thanks, Sasparilla! Though not the first time his work has been butchered. Just found this awesome write-up from the Onion:
” Horton, my favorite—look how he’s been treated!
Stuffed with tinsels and tassels and promptly excreted!
The puns! And the filler! The script fees you must save!
While I tumble and grum-humble around in my grave.”
http://www.theonion.com/articles/stop-making-movies-about-my-books,11376/
Excellent news. Just got called “Seuss-tastic” by Kate Sheppard over at Mother Jones! I’ll now require new business cards.
“The Lorax: Blowing Smogulous Smoke”
http://motherjones.com/blue-marble/2012/02/lorax-blowing-smogulous-smoke
I couldn’t believe the Lorax was pimping cars! Stuff like this may cause The good Dr. to return as vengeful Seussombie. I searched around found your Seuss-ian poem. way to go. I’m still surprised when people wonder why cynicism is on the rise.
Marcus – Zombies are in. You should write the screenplay. And this guy can do the art:
http://dregstudiosart.blogspot.com/2011/10/05-countdown-to-halloween-dr-seuss.html
Well…
Ain’t I glad I’m not a moviegoer anymore.
I mean, I knew to expect the odd move or two for which the staff could go drunk-dial a loan shark, (how else were they gonna make this feature-length) but I really didn’t expect this one.
Hollwood, you’ve pissed Audrey Geisel off enough already with “The Cat In The Hat,” don’t make her start vetoing all adaptations, sight unseen.
Actually, maybe that might be a necessity.
Ha, you’re probably right. Also, “I am a banana.”
Audrey Geisel is a producer of this film, and I believe she was also one of the people who wanted to create this adaptation of the book.
Steph – Yeah, Audrey’s getting a lot of flack across the internet. Name-calling, scabbard-shaking… But can she hear it from her billion-dollar tower made of Truffula Fluff?
Have you signed the petition?
http://www.change.org/petitions/mazda-stop-forcing-the-lorax-to-sell-dangerous-polluting-cars
Although I agree with your argument, your scansion is horrible.
Although I agree with your argument that my scansion is horrible, I want you to know it’s an artistic choice intended to represent the transmogrification of Dr. Seuss’s parable into a stunted, rhythm-less beast incapable of the grace required for cohabitation of stressed and unstressed syllables.
I kid. Full disclosure: I haven’t spoken the word ‘scansion’ since 11th grade.